


DLAMPT Cuddles

by stormcloud_cos



Series: Sanders Sides Angst [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Platonic Cuddling, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:42:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26991589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormcloud_cos/pseuds/stormcloud_cos
Summary: You can take this as platonic or romantic, but I originally wrote it to be platonic.
Relationships: (DLAMP with Thomas), ALL PLATONIC, Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Deceit | Janus & Logic | Logan (Sanders Sides), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides), Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton/Thomas Sanders, Basically DLAMP, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, DLAMP, DLAMPT, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, why isn't DLAMP a ship tag yet
Series: Sanders Sides Angst [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956703
Kudos: 80





	DLAMPT Cuddles

**TW: Slight foul language, panic attack, touch starvation**

It was kind of to be expected.

Virgil has grown up with the dark sides, so he hadn’t been given much physical affection when he was young. Aside from the pat on the shoulder Janus would give him from time to time, or when Remus nudged him after making a joke, and he hadn’t even gotten much of that. And then there were the times that Janus locked himself in his room for days at a time, refusing to come out. Those were the hardest for Virgil, because the lying side was the closest that he had had to a dad with the dark sides. Cassius- Apathy- tried his best in those times, but it wasn’t the same.

And things only got worse after he had run away. This was because Cassius’s lashing out had become all too common, Remus was being as stressful as ever, and Janus, well, Janus wouldn’t even look him in the face for reasons he couldn’t understand.

So he had run away.

Sure, it was kind of an on-the-spot decision, but with Cassius and Janus; Apathy and Deceit now, he supposed; yelling after him, he ran to the only place he could think of- the Light Mindpalace.

Patton has opened the door for him, finding him a panting, sweating, teary mess.

That was the last time Patton- or anyone- had given him a real, long hug.

That was almost four years ago. They still touched him, but barely, and he still caught them all trying to avoid his touch when possible. It was fine, though. He didn’t need touch to survive.

Now, present-day, he sat curled up on the couch scrolling through Tumblr with his earbuds in, though he wasn’t listening to anything at the moment. They were all going through what they had to do today, which honestly wasn’t much. Roman wasn’t feeling motivated, Logan didn’t have much work to do, Patton was being, well, Patton, and the only thing Virgil could make Thomas worry about was how long it had been since he’d seen his friends, and if they thought he was ignoring them. 

That wasn’t to say he didn’t have any worries, himself. For one, he was growing increasingly worried at the feeling in his chest. Or rather, lack of feeling? He didn’t really know. It felt like a pit in his chest, pulling him down further and further, and the further down he went, the more alone he was, and the more alone he was, the further down he went and-

“Virgil, are you okay? Your breathing seems to be in an irregular pattern.” Logan looked up from the book that the anxious side didn’t realize he was reading.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied, trying his best to keep the shakiness out of his voice and sound like that was the truth. He excused himself to go up to his room.

_ What’s wrong with me…? _ Virgil sighed at the inner dialogue that had been eating at his insides the past few…  _ wow _ . How long had it been since he started feeling this way? When had he started feeling so… he searched for the word.  _ Alone _ . He didn’t love the word choice, and he didn’t like how accurately it fit into how he had been feeling lately.

**_(_ ** **I’m writing this in the middle of the night so my brain decided to not work and the rest of it is in first person wHoOpS)**

How could I solve my problem? Patton always said to go to any one of them if I needed help with anything, and lately the other two had been more open as well.

I was about to go and ask Patton about it but then a thought in the back of my mind pushed its way up. **_They don’t care about you._**

_ Yes they do! _ I tried to refute it. I hadn’t gotten rid of my self-deprecating thoughts, just pushed them to a corner of my mind that was so barred away I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore. Obviously not.

**_They don’t care. If they did, they would have noticed how you felt._ **

_ But they’ve been so nice- _

**_They only care about Thomas’s well-being._ **

_ Th-They- _

**_They don’t care._ **

I wasn’t used to my own thoughts attacking me like this. It hadn’t happened much since Accepting Anxiety, so I got used to the peace, I guess.

**_They don’t care._ ** The statement was more powerful this time, and I wasn’t sure why. It started to seed itself into my brain, and everything went blurry because of what I realized were tears threatening to fall.

I curled myself into a ball, glad that I had gone into my room before this. Now no one had to see me in my embarrassing moment. 

The next few weeks were torture. I barely came out of my room, not being able to sleep at all. Sides don’t have the same health as humans, so we could go forever without sleeping if we needed to; not that it wasn’t bad for us, but I didn’t care. I ignored the tugging sensation when Thomas needed me for a video. As much as I wanted comfort, I couldn’t bring myself to ask; I would just burden them more.

_ God forbid I ever be happy with my life _ , I thought as I broke down sobbing into my pillows for the fourth time that week. As soon as I’d felt content with Jan- no,  _ Deceit _ , I reminded myself as I sat in my room, wiping away the tears and ignoring the spike in anxiety I felt as if something had happened to Thomas. As soon as I’d felt content there, something had gone wrong. So I ran away from my problems. Now when I was finally beginning to feel accepted again, everything was turned around. I thought back to Logan’s saying;  _ “Emotions are the bane of my existence.” _ I was starting to feel that way too, considering the only emotions I had been feeling for the past few weeks were sadness, anxiety, panic, more anxiety, dread, did I mention anxiety?

-

After a few more days, I finally came out of my room, feeling like shit. We sides don’t have to eat to survive, but it keeps us ‘healthy’ and I imagined I looked as bad as I felt. I walked down the hallway, not having the energy to sink down, into the commons.

The sight in front of my eyes couldn’t have been more startling.

Ja-  _ Deceit _ was chatting away with Patton on the couch, while Steven Universe played on the TV. Logan was making dinner, spaghetti by the looks of it, while Roman sat in the barstools subduely, not saying a word. Not even greeting me when I came in.

I was first intending on grabbing a snack and going back to my secluded room, but as soon as I saw Deceit there, I couldn’t help myself from stomping over there and asking him why he was here.

It went like this:

“What the hell are you doing here?!”

He looked up at me from the couch. “I have  _ no idea _ what you’re talking about,  _ Anxiety _ ,” he smirked, regaining that confident shield he put up around anyone and everyone except Cassius. 

Patton interjected, “Janus, don’t-“

_ He told them his name?! _ I wanted to scream. Telling other sides your name showed trust. I get why it took longer for me to tell the light sides my name, but  _ Janus _ ?! He wouldn’t just tell them right out of the blue!

But the liar interrupted. “ _ Lovely _ to see you, it’s not like I’m in the middle of a conversation.” He was really getting on my nerves. Did he really think he could show up like this and expect everyone to be  _ fine _ with it?! Apparently so, and so far, at least Patton was playing into that expectation.

Roman spoke up from his seat at the bar. “Leave him alone, he’s been locked in his room for  _ weeks,  _ and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a little shocked.” He wasn’t being his usual dramatic self, which worried me. What worried me more was that Janus didn’t have a snarky response to this. He just picked up his conversation where him and Patton left off, leaving me sputtering for words.  _ What happened?!  _ Is what I wanted to say, but Logan beat me to it.

“What happened to you?” he asked, a touch of concern in his voice. 

“I’m fine,” I growled, and headed to my room without a snack, feeling more alone than ever. If my so-called  _ friends  _ were going to spend their time with that slimy snake rather than me, I was  **fine with it.** I  **didn't** care **.** I was  **fine alone. I didn’t need them.**

I felt a pull at my gut. Thomas was calling me. I grumbled and sank out, rising up in my normal spot in Thomas’s living room.

He spoke, “So, Virgil, I just felt a random spike of anxiety and I kinda think I know why.” He said this hesitantly, not looking at me at first. When he did, his eyes widened in shock. “Oh my- Virgil, are you okay?” He asked me, like he cared.

“Yeah,” I grumbled, not looking him in the eye. He knew I wasn’t, but luckily didn’t push further.

“W-Well, uh,” he started, trying to be more pleasant, “Your makeup looks spot on?”  _ What makeup? _

“I’m not wearing makeup,” I mumbled, not caring if he heard me. He did.

“But your eyes-“ He cuts himself off in realization. “Virgil, how long has it been since you slept?” How long had it been? I had to think about it. A few weeks at least, since I hadn’t slept since I locked myself in my room, due to the pit of loneliness in my chest. Then another few days after he tried and failed to summon me for a video.

He must have seen my hesitation. “Do you really not know?” He asked me softly.  _ He’s worried for me? _ I questioned myself, then pushed the thought aside as it probably wasn’t true. He cared about his own well-being, that was it, and his Anxiety was part of him.

“What does it matter to you?” I bit at him, my voice sounding more bitter than I meant for it to. “I can’t remember. I can still do my job as Anxiety, with or without sleep. Can I go now?” I crossed my arms and huffed impatiently, almost losing my footing.

“Virgil…” he trailed off. I could see the hurt in his eyes. I could safely assume I was the cause of that.

“Ugh, fine! I’ll try harder to sleep, just let me go now already,” I groaned, but his eyes didn’t brighten. Instead his eyebrows scrunched a little and he made the same hand motion we had all gotten used to over the years; he was calling the others. Patton and Janus appeared first, sharing the spot next to the blinds covering the window. The former looked confused, exclaiming, “Heya, kiddo! I didn’t know we had a video planned for today,” before looking around and seeing that none of the camera equipment was out.

Logan appeared next, book in hand and an exasperated look of his face. He set the book down on the counter before walking back over to his normal spot. “What seems to be the problem this time, Thomas?” He asked in his usual monotone voice.

Roman came last. He rose up looking in a bad mood, but when he saw all of us there, he quickly put up his dramatic persona. “Hello, citizens!” He exclaimed at a not very amused Thomas looking back at all of them. I suddenly felt very small sitting on the stairs. I pulled my hoodie tighter.

“So the reason I’ve called you all here all of a sudden is, a serious matter has been brought to my attention,” Thomas said, gaining the attention of the other four. I was on full alert now, or at least as full alert that I could be after not having slept for over two weeks. He continued, “I think some of you have noticed that a certain side-“ he gestured to me “- hasn’t been present the past few weeks.”  _ He could tell? _

Patton spoke soon after the small silence that filled the room for a moment. “Hey, kiddo! You eyeshadow looks great, by the way,” he added, to be met with an upset Thomas saying,

“He isn’t wearing eyeshadow.”

That surprised all of them. Logan and Janus looked at me with concern, and Patton and Roman looked taken aback, exchanging a look with each other, then the others. I doubted that any of them had realized that I was even gone.

“Oh, kiddo…” Patton seemed unable to speak for a while.

Then I broke the silence with, “Can I just go already?!” I didn’t need the pity of everyone. Thomas’s pity was one more person than I wanted anyways, but now he had to rope all of them into it. I didn’t like the way everyone’s stare bored into me, and I tried to sink out, but Thomas wouldn’t let me. I felt like I was being crushed, the weight of everyone’s gaze on me as I tried to escape, I needed a way out, I couldn’t breath, it was too much, too much too much toomuch  _ toomuchtoomuch— _

I felt gentle arms around me. I looked up through blurry eyes to see that Thomas had walked over to my spot and wrapped his arms around me. I removed my hands from my hair-  _ when had they gotten there? _ \- and slowly leaned into the embrace. It was burning my skin, but it was warm, and it felt so nice (not that type of nice Remus), and I curled up in my host’s embrace. He picked me up easily, startled by how little I weighed. Or, at least, I thought that’s what it was when he flinched. He sat down on the couch, me still curled up on him, and waved for the others to come join. Patton came over immediately and hugged me tightly, causing me to flinch. He let go almost immediately.  _ No,  _ I wanted to say, _ keep hugging me _ , but at the same time it was too much. Roman grasped my hand and gave it a squeeze. I tried to say something but all that came out was a whimper. Roman’s face changed to hurt, but he didn’t let go of my hand, which I was grateful for.

Logan leaned over the couch and started running his fingers through my hair, again causing me to flinch, but I melted into it, relaxing my usually tense shoulders. I liked how his fingers felt running through my knotted hair, pulling out any tangles.

Janus just sat near us on the couch, not making any sort of indication that he was going to touch me.  _ Good, _ I thought, then felt a pang of guilt at the sight of his face. He looked so heartbroken, and for a second I almost felt sorry for leaving. I felt a vibration in my chest and throat and immediately knew that they would never let me live this down. 

Janus chuckled at my purring, then whispered something to Patton, who nodded eagerly. Patton started rubbing circles into my back from the position he was in on the couch with my head rested on his and Thomas’s legs. I just snuggled deeper into both of them, then I realized that Roman was tracing something into my palm with his finger:  _ I’m sorry _ , over and over again. I opened an eye and I could see he was almost in tears. I could read him like a book; he felt guilty about not telling the others he noticed I was gone. He felt guilty because he thought  _ he _ was the one responsible. 

I couldn’t bear him blaming himself. However, in my current position and considering my muscles melted like jelly as soon as Thomas hugged me, I couldn’t do much, so I gave a light reassuring squeeze to Roman’s hand, and smiled at the fact that he squeezed back.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, I noticed, the pit in my chest seemed to be slowly filling up. Logan stopped running his hands through my hair and I had to suppress a whine. I soon felt different fingers do a similar action, and was content again. I sighed in my already sleepy state and drifted off into unconsciousness.

**3rd POV** **:**

All of them had all fallen asleep on each other. Logan was limp against the edge of the couch with Thomas laying on top of him. Patton was laying on Thomas’s back and my torso while Virgil lay sprawled across the three of their laps, curled up; except for his right hand, which hung off the couch and laid limply next to Roman, who was on the floor next to them. Janus had chosen the other side of the couch to fall asleep, and had his hat resting over his eyes with his curly hair peeking out in the back. 

Janus woke up first, smiling a little to himself as he looked at the group in front of him. He went to go back to his room, then as he passed Logan, the intellectual side grasped his hand and murmured, “Stay.”

So he did stay for a little longer, until everyone else woke up.

It seemed that it would take until noon for everyone except the anxious side to wake up. Roman was the last to wake, and upon smelling the sizzling bacon, he exclaimed, “What?! Are you-“

Patton clamped a hand over the creative side’s mouth, gesturing to the still-asleep Virgil. “He apparently hasn’t slept in a few weeks,” Patton whispered. Roman nodded understandingly, then went to go feast on the bacon. Patton gently carried Virgil to his room, slightly worried by how light he had become over the past few weeks. “We’ll help you,” he mumbled to Virgil, “you just needed to ask.” He shifted in his sleep a little bit, and Patton gave him a sad smile as he tucked the anxious one in, before leaving the room. 

-

It was a few days later, and all the sides were beginning to get a little concerned because  _ Virgil still hadn’t woken up yet. _ Yes, Patton supposed since he hadn’t slept at all in a few weeks, he would sleep for a while, but this was kind of concerning.

Thomas had been checking in every hour to make sure Virgil was okay and doing well, seeing if he was awake yet, et cetera. Roman, who deemed himself Caretaker of Virgil, had each time responded that no, he wasn’t awake yet and yes, he was doing fine.

But in the mid-afternoon, Virgil began to stir, murmuring gibberish and tossing and turning. Roman has quickly leapt up to help, not exactly sure what to do, then slowly moved his hand towards the emo’s and placed it atop it. Virgil gradually stopped mumbling and moving around. Roman took his hand, then, letting his mind drift off, he absentmindedly started drawing circles on it with his finger.

Virgil woke up in his bed, which he remembered was  _ definitely _ not where he went to sleep. He was on the couch, he remembered, and…

His face turned an interesting shade of tomato. He had _purred._ _In front of everyone._

It didn’t take Roman long to notice that Virgil was awake. “Ah, my Dark and Stormy Knight has awakened!” He exclaimed, jumping up.

_ Dark and Stormy Knight? That’s a new one _ , thought Virgil as he sat up in bed smirking. “Whoever said I was yours?” He asked the princely one, who stammered some sort of response, then the emo continued, “Relax, I’m joking. C’mon, I smell bacon!” He said, pulling down the covers and slipping out of bed.

Which was immediately followed by him stumbling and almost falling, had the prince not caught him. “Woah, you need a little more rest,” he chuckled softly. “I’ll grab you some food, you just stay here, m’kay?”

Virgil sighed, but let the other put him back in bed before prancing out- seriously, who  _ pranced _ ?

Not long after, he returned with two plates of food, each stacked to the point where it would fall if toppled even slightly, with bacon. They ate together in silence, until Patton burst into the room. “You’re up!” He sang, tackling Virgil with a hug. Virgil hugged him back because god did they both need it.


End file.
